cultivating conscious connection

One of the things yoga has taught me is that I am much less patient than I imagine myself to be.

I notice it every time I try something that doesn't come easily.

A balance pose. A transition I've practiced a hundred times. A day when my body feels different than it did last week. Almost immediately, a familiar voice shows up.

"This should be easier."

"I should be better at this by now."

"Everyone else seems to have figured it out."

It's funny how quickly my mind turns a simple wobble into a story. For years, I thought growth meant eventually reaching a place where those thoughts disappeared. Now I think it might mean recognizing them a little sooner and believing them a little less. That's one of the reasons I practice yoga. It gives me a chance at being a beginner over and over again.

Every practice contains something I can't quite do, don't fully understand, or wish looked different. And every practice gives me another opportunity to decide how I'm going to respond to that.

With frustration and judgment? Or curiosity?

And, of course, the way I respond to myself on my mat isn't all that different from the way I respond to myself everywhere else.

The impatience. The comparison. The feeling that I should be further along than I am.

Some days I meet those things with curiosity. Other days I don't.

Either way, they keep showing up.