a little space in the system
I’ve become kind of obsessed with systems in my work. Nothing in the body exists on its own—everything affects everything else, whether we’re tuning in or not.
Relationships work the same way. Where we put our attention, our energy, how we keep showing up—it all shapes things more than we think. And just like I’ve learned to notice relational energy, I’ve started seeing how all of that lives in our actual bodies through the nervous system.
Sometimes we stay connected to something even when we’ve stopped growing from it. The loop keeps going just because we’re still feeding it attention and energy. Your body usually picks up on this way before your brain does.
It shows up quietly. That tight feeling when someone’s name pops into your head. Breathing goes shallow and there’s a sense of bracing, like you’re gearing up for a conversation that’s probably never going to happen.
I’ve started paying real attention to this in many areas, noticing where I’m still reaching out toward something, and maybe the whole system is ready to shift.
I see the exact same thing happen in classes. Someone’s working really hard and doing everything “right” but it still feels off. There’s all this effort but no ease. They’re moving but not flowing.
Surprisingly, I’ve found it’s actually their nervous system doing exactly what it’s supposed to do: protect.
Muscles don’t just do what we tell them to. They respond to whether we feel safe or threatened. When your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, your body holds on. You get tense. The whole system grips, even when consciously you’re not worried about anything.
Change doesn’t come from pushing harder. It comes from noticing where your energy is still reaching outward and making space where you’ve been holding tight.
On the mat, this might mean taking a bit of extra time to just… orient. Getting grounded through breath, or touch, or props. Giving people permission to modify when something doesn’t feel right. Bodies start to respond when they feel safe and seen.
Same thing in relationships. Step back a little. Let there be some slack. Trust that things can reorganize without you constantly managing them. Your attention comes back to right now. Your body lets go. You stop mentally rehearsing conversations from three years ago.
You can try this in really small ways. Take a few minutes. Notice your breath. Feel your feet on the ground. Let your shoulders drop. Then just see what happens. How your body shifts, where your attention goes. These little moments might not seem like much, but they create room for your whole system to reorganize.
Sometimes just a little more space is all you need.
